Some friendships are loud and obvious. Others are quiet, rare, and so genuine that you only realize their value when life tests you. This is about one of those rare friendships. She came all the way from Indonesia to Singapore just to see me and that alone says more than a thousand words ever could. In a world where people are always busy, always rushing, always distracted, finding someone who makes time for you feels almost unreal. Genuine friendship is hard to find. The kind that lasts forever is even harder. Most people don’t have time to listen. They hear you, but they don’t listen. But she listens, always. With patience. With care. Without judgment. Most people don’t want to help. They step back when things get hard. But she steps forward every single time. Helping not because she has to, but because she genuinely wants to. She is one of the kindest people I know. I once said that I have a wall around my life, a wall that protects me and keeps people at a distance. Not many can...
The words we say...
“Speak out in anger and you’ll
make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” One of my friends posted this
statement from Tara Brach. I found it very interesting because every one of us at
least once (many for me) has this experience of saying things that we don’t
mean and ended up regretting every word we said.
When we are angry do you think the
truth comes out or we just said things that we don’t mean?
Both can be true, but in most cases it is the latter.
Sometimes, when we are angry, our emotions get the best of us and our mouth becomes an open gate to say everything that we’ve been keeping for so long. These are the “painful truths” that only come out when we are angry. Our anger fuels our courage to say what has been bottled up inside. However, after bursting out all our anger, it is impossible to erase those words and feelings that have been revealed.
Everybody say stupid things when
angry. Most of the times when we are angry we say things that we don’t really
mean. It is just to get even and piss off the other party. We say words that
can hurt a person even though they are not true. We say words that are very
insulting, degrading and very much unacceptable.
Us women, we like to talk, we
like to nag and I hate to admit it, but we like to control things. The thing
that makes us angry the most is when a person doesn’t listen. That’s an art
that was mastered by my husband. Whenever we quarrel, he just keeps quite and
stares to space. After I finish all the nagging, he just goes back to his
normal life as if something did not happened. He just sits down the couch, gets
the remote and starts flipping on channels. And that makes me very irritated! Don’t
get me wrong, he does apologize. He waits for the situation to calm down then
he makes he’s move. He has this knack not fighting fire with fire. Come to
think of it, that works for us. When we are angry, we don’t think and don’t
control our emotions. Harsh words slip out and we end up regretting every word
we blurted out. The problem is it’s too late. Words once said cannot be unheard
and very difficult to take back.
When we are angry, these are some
few reminders to think about and what has to be done so that misunderstandings
can be taken under control.
1. Listen
to understand not to respond.
2. Better
to be quiet and let the moment cool down before saying anything.
3. Take
a walk so you can release your anger and think things.
4. Change your focus from anger to other productive things like cleaning the house.
4. Change your focus from anger to other productive things like cleaning the house.
5. When
words had been already said, don’t forget to ask for forgiveness.
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